Ugh!

I've got a yucky cold....hence my title today. The only thing worse than having a cold....is having one while you're prego! No Nyquil, no Vicks nose spray, etc. Boo! I did, however, get my Vicks tissues at lunch. Love those when I've got sinus crud going on!!!!! Is it bad that I just hold one to my nose and inhale deeply????

Anyway, Ben started his new job last Sunday night (technically Monday morning). It's been a rough week of adjusting for both of us. Him for the lack of sleep and me for the lack of sleep! lol. I wake up when his alarm goes off and then usually wake up when he gets home too. He's offered to sleep on the couch, but it's not worth it to me!

It's also been a very rough week emotionally for me. You all know that Brian and I had a lot of issues, which I used to blog about as well. Well, now that he's gone and now being married to Ben, many things are coming to light. I have a lot of baggage from my first marriage and according to my psycho doctor, several scars as well. The biggest one plaguing me now is my self esteem....mostly physical. It's consuming me. Being pregnant obviously doesn't help, as my body is getting bigger and I can't stop it. When Ben and I first got together, I thought it was just being with someone skinny since Brian was always a big guy. But then I felt like there had to be more and the deeper I fell for Ben, the worse it got.....from being jealous of his first wife to celebrities he thought were attractive, to just the unknown. Little things have come up now and then which just feed my self esteem issue. I discussed this at length with my psycho doctor yesterday. (If you remember, he met with BOTH Brian and I before he passed away, so I have the benefit of him knowing Brian, so it's not like me talking about him and it being one-sided) Anyway, basically Brian "cheated" on me during our marriage.....not physically, but he had a relationship of sorts with a girl who lived several states away. I suspected it while we were married, even though he always denied it, but I knew better. I found the actual evidence after he'd passed away. I only bring this up b/c it's just one of the many things that caused me to feel rejected, thus being deathly afraid it's going to happen again with Ben. There's so much more I could go into, but it's quite lengthy. Basically, between that and a few other things that translated into rejection, I have some major issues. I have a HUGE issue being naked in front of Ben.....yes, despite the fact that we're married and having a baby together. I will say the good thing here is that Ben is aware of all of this and I give him updates after my psycho sessions, so we communicate very well. So, in saying all of that, I need your prayers big time! We're trying to work through my issues and peel away the layers of hurt, according to my psycho doctor, b/c I definitely don't want this affecting my marriage to Ben anymore than it already has. Ben assures me every day how much he loves me and finds me attractive, but it just isn't quite solving my problem. So, I need your prayers! I need to let go of all these fears that he'll turn on me like Brian did and be able to be comfortable with myself, no matter what my size is.

Sheesh.....I felt like I just wrote a novel. So, thanks in advance for the prayers! Until next time...

Good doc's appt.!

Well, I went back to my OB on Thursday for a follow up from my ER visit. Everything was fine. Her "best guess" is that either the baby or my uterus is laying on a nerve on my right side, which is causing the extra swelling. She described it as pinching a garden hose. Nice, huh? :) She's hoping that eventually whatever is doing that will move! Me too! lol. So, that's that.

Not much else to report at this time. Ben reminds me everyday why I love him so much and how blessed I am to have him. We're all still adjusting to our new life. Taylor, Ben's 9 yr. old, and Abby clash a lot lately. They can play together fine, but then the difference in age will come out and Abby takes something of Taylor's or Taylor bosses her around and a fight ensues. I know that's normal sister stuff. Trying to make Taylor understand that Abby's 4 is very hard to do sometimes. The other big problem lately is that Abby's become a klepto. It started with her taking Cassidy's DS and playing with it and I'd catch her. Well, then she resorted in taking Britney's DS and just hiding it under her bed. She got in trouble in both of these instances and seemed to understand it's wrong to take something of someone's without asking. Well, then her teacher pulls me aside on Wednesday and tells me she caught Abby with some dollhouse figurines in her backpack that belonged to her class. Grrrr! So, I am now doing a routine search under Abby's bed and trying to explain the concept of stealing to her. The more disturbing aspect of this is that she's also taking things from downstairs (ie. videos that are HERS) and hiding those under her bed too. It's bizarre. So, that's the latest and greatest with us.

Going to El Toro tonight for Jason's birthday! Woohoo! Dinner out with just adults (and Jason...he he) sounds heavenly! Hope you all have a nice weekend! xoxo

What a weekend!!!!!

Lord have mercy.....does the drama ever end? I'm bordering on hysterical laughter....you know....the kind that makes you nervously laugh with the person who's doing the hysterical laughing, but then you stop and really start to worry about their sanity? Yeah, that's me!

First off, I had a very nice birthday! My fabulous hubby (who can't keep his mouth shut worth anything and had me imagining all kinds of birthday surprises) ended up taking me to Bravo for dinner (sans the kids) and then gave me the first 2 Twilight books, since I had mentioned wanting to read them, the Rascal Flatts greatest hits, and .......Casting Crowns tickets!!!!! Woohoo! I'm so excited! April 1st at the Nutter Center.....section B, row 9. He's fabulous!

Friday:

My feet were swelling as usual, but I noticed Friday morning that my right foot was more swollen than my left. That had happened before, but then they started to feel tingly, so I called my OB's office and long story short, they told me to go to the ER. So, I called Ben and he met me over there. After a 3 hour wait (no joke) they finally called me back. They wouldn't just let me go over to the maternity ward b/c they didn't know for sure if it was pregnancy related.....umm...what else would it be????? So, anyway, they took blood, checked my urine and all that fun stuff and basically all my levels were fine, but as a precaution, given my history with Abby, they put me on bedrest for the weekend. To say I was bummed was an understatement! I had a girl's lunch and pedi afternoon planned for Saturday. That was out. Not to mention that Sunday was mine and Ben's first Valentine's day together and I was going to surprise him by taking him to a movie and dinner....that was also out! So, yeah, I was very bummed!

Saturday was filled with nothing but laying in bed. lol. Ben had hooked up my laptop for me, so at least I had that. Ben and the kids went out and played in the snow and I watched "All about Steve." Not an "A+" movie, but it was cute. It passed the time.....lol.

Sunday was much of the same. I have to say I was very bummed that Ben didn't get me flowers. His "excuse" was that he planned on getting them when we went out to dinner.....apparently it's my fault for being on bedrest! LOL. He has yet to give me flowers at all, which is why I expected them, especially for Valentine's Day! Now, you have to understand that my wonderful hubby talks a good game.....I've always heard how he "does up" Valentine's day. I got 2 cards from him. That's it. So, yeah, the fact that I'm confined to the bed, need to be cheered up, and I get 2 cards didn't help me much.....I still love him and he's still wonderful!

So, that was my weekend. As expected, my feet are swollen again today b/c I'm on them again. Not sure what the point of the bedrest was since the same thing is just going to happen once I go back on them! OH, well....I followed doctor's orders!

I'm also ready for this snow to be gone!!!!!! Spring? Where are you????

Stress, stress, and more stress!!!!

First and foremost, I had my ultrasound last Thursday.....IT'S A BOY!!!!! Ben was soooo ecstatic. I'm glad he is getting his boy (by blood, that is). He very much considers Jack his boy too, but now he has someone to carry on the Huey name. So, yay! :)

So, I'm finding this pregnancy to be particularly stressful due to the "goings on" in my life lately. I have to say the relationship with me and the Tuckers is in a fairly good place....not perfect, but peaceful....HOWEVER....I can't say the same for their extended family. One douche bag in particular has, for lack of a better word, harrassed me twice now. I'm really starting to think he has a screw loose.....for real! The first email from him was littered with profanity, personal insults, and then went on about how selfish I am and haven't considered their feelings, etc. The second "attack" was made public over the weekend on Patty's FB page. It literally said, F%@$K Sarah. I can't believe what she posted. I hate her. And yes, he spelled my name wrong. The only thing I posted on Saturday was my memorium to Brian and from what I understand, it didn't offend the Tuckers at all. He goes on to comment on his own post, again, calling me selfish and not considering their feelings, etc. Also mentions me saying what a "great day" Saturday was, when it was the anniversary of Brian's death. I said no such thing. So, suffice it to say, I was incredibly upset. (I saw this at 3am because I couldn't sleep and decided to play on FB. I never went back to sleep after that.) I ended up crying for an hour.....Ben was livid and ready to go kick his hiney. So, long story short, I say something to Patty b/c now he's involved her and she has supposedly told him to leave me alone. They all say they can't control what others do and say, which is true, but to some degree, he has to be reacting to something they've said previously. I'm hoping to not hear anymore from them.

The next stressor......Ben. I was in the ER with him all morning yesterday. He started throwing up around 1am yesterday. After assuring me he would be ok, I went to work. By 8:20 I had a text from him saying he was throwing up blood and running a 102 fever and couldn't even keep down water. I went home and talked him into the ER. He was chalking it up to his bleeding ulcer, but there's no telling, so off to Southview we went! They pumped him full of fluids b/c he was dehydrated so bad. He was having severe abdominal pains, so they did a stomach x-ray, blood work, and gave him pain meds. Nothing showed up on the x-rays, but they had at least gotten his vomiting and the pain under control. He already had a doc's appt. with the family doc this morning, so they wanted him to follow up. He was better last night, but just worn out. This morning, he went to the family doc, who is sending him to a GI specialist, thinking this could be an intestinal issue, so we'll see! Hopefully we get some answers!!!!!

OH, and did I mention I have 5 kids at home?????? So, there's my stress lately! We're all worried about this taking a toll on the baby, but so far I've managed pretty well. I'm definitely more tired and feeling more aches and pains than I have before, but again....managing.

So, that's what's new with me! I hate this snow and I'm ready for spring!!!

It's February!

Well, it's February.....lots of mixed emotions about this month. On the one hand, my birthday is this month as well as the ever romantic Valentine's Day....not that I can't show my husband I love him on any day other than the 14th! On the other hand, this Saturday marks 1 year since Brian died. I have no doubt it will be a day of mixed emotions. Remembering and "living it" again will be hard, but I'm so thankful for Ben and what he means to me. Things are still tough with Brian's family at times. I'd say right now there's peace amongst Larry, Patty, Beth, and myself. They are really striving to accept Ben and my new family. I can't say the same for their extended family, but I've learned to just focus on the "important" ones....being Larry, Patty, and Beth. I think one of the hardest things for me still is that they *assume* that just b/c I've remarried I've just gotten over everything and forgotten about Brian and that will never happen. I still think of him often, sometimes with happy thoughts and sometimes sadness. I don't think they'll ever understand that, but then again, I don't think you can unless you've lost a spouse, or more importantly, you've been in my exact place. Anyhoo, those are my thoughts on that!

Thursday's the big day! Confirmation we're having a girl.....ha ha! I'll be shocked if it's a boy, but we'll see! We've tossed around some names, but nothing definite. As Ben and I said (and every other parent) we truly just want a healthy baby!

Ben got a job. He's going to start working for the Dayton Daily News sometime this month. A guy his uncle works with is retiring, so Ben is going to take his place. The only down side is the hours are 11:30pm-5am. The upside is that he'll always be home days and evenings, which is how we needed to work it. Paying for 2 houses is proving quite expensive, so we needed some more financial assistance to cover bills! I plan on renting out my house until the market's good enough to sell, but I have to get it emptied first! Ugghhh! The thought is overwhelming! Thank goodness Ben is a hard worker!

Well, that's about all the rambling I'll do today. Happy Monday!