Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Brian on the brain.....

So.....Feb. 6 will mark 2 years since Brian passed away. Holy crap! So hard to believe it's been almost 2 years!!!!! I've been thinking about him some lately. Mostly looking at the kids and so sad that they won't know him and just knowing how proud he'd be of them.... :) I had coffee with a good friend of mine last Saturday and we were talking and she knows a lot of the baggage I walked away with after being married to him and I think that made for quite a jaded view of Brian. I started talking about some of the happier times and positive things he did and she was glad to have some positive feedback on him as well.....anyway, as a result of that convo, I started thinking about the difference in marriages and it became quite clear to me that in Brian, I lost my best friend and in Ben I found a true love. My love with Ben is so much deeper....I loved Brian also, but it wasn't the same. Ben and I have our differences and struggles, but the love is deep. Anyway, God's always in control......that's been more than proven in my life. It may not make sense now, but some day it will......

Jack has now peed in the potty 3 times in the last week. He's proven he's more than capable of doing so, it's just a matter of us getting him on there at the right time. I'm hoping he gets the hang of it soon so we can save some money on diapers!!!!

Cassidy needs your prayers.....as do we. She's sick a lot.....I mean a lot! Long story short, in addition to her always being sick, she told Ben the other day that she has a bump behind her ear, which she'd been keeping from us. The significance of this is that her Mom's cancer issues started out with that very thing and her pediatrician has already told Ben that with Cassidy's genetic make up, she has a 60% greater chance of following in her Mom's footsteps than the other 2 girls. This just isn't a good sign. Ben's making her an appt. for the doctor, but I know he's scared to death, as am I. Cassidy's a major hypocondriac (sp?) and she's well aware of her Mom's history, etc, so she's freaked out too. Just hoping and praying it's nothing.....

All the other kiddos are doing well.....keeping us busy!

Ben hasn't gotten another job yet. He regrets quitting the paper route, but I don't regret it at all. He was miserable and it wasn't a good situation. So, prayers for a new job, would be appreciated though! :)

Love to all my journal friends.....

Friday, January 14, 2011

Two times in one week!?

See....? I'm already doing better! lol. So, I went to the gastroenterologist yesterday and he wants me to have the scope thing done next Thursday. The bad thing is......#1- I have to have a scope put down my throat. lol. And #2- We have a $500 deductible, so I have to pay all that out of pocket. Ugh! Ben tells me I'm getting it done.....so, we'll see! lol.

Took Abby and Aiden to the doctor on Wednesday. Abby had an ear infection, so she got antibiotics and Aiden has the baby equivalent to a sinus infection, so he got some too! Man, he's a big baby! He's almost 17 pounds.....7 months old tomorrow. He's 1 size diaper way from Jack!!! LOL. Of course, Jack is so skinny, but too funny!

Ben's been really depressed and I don't know what to do with him. He's the kind of man that has to be working and doing something....not to mention support his family. He keeps saying that quitting his paper route was a mistake and I told him it wasn't. It was the best thing he's ever done! That route was breaking him down. Things will look up once he has another job. I've loved having him stay in bed all night and get up with me in the mornings....that's been super! Just keep him in your prayers and also that he'll find something soon.

Also keep Ben's nephew in your prayers. He's 1 and he fell off a chair onto his head. He has a severe skull fracture and it's so bad that it could very well lead to paralyzation at best and possibly death. It's so sad....they're waiting to hear back from doctors and tests, etc. He may have to have surgery.

Still trying to get my butt out of bed in the mornings again to exercise. I'm going to try and make myself do that on Monday......start the week off right. Prayers on that would be appreciated as well! lol.

Hope you all have a good weekend!

Monday, January 10, 2011

It's been awhile......

Umm....yeah, so.....remember me? lol. I'll try to catch you up as best I can on the last 5 months of my life! ha ha!

Aiden.....is almost 7 months old! My how time flies! He's still such a joy to both of us. He's a special boy....there are no favorites, of course, but Aiden's definitely special. To Ben b/c he's the boy he's always wanted and me b/c he's my last baby. We are really enjoying him! He's a chunker! Abby and Jack were such tiny babies and Aiden's a chunky monkey, so it's been fun with his chubby cheeks and baby rolls! :)

Jack.....is still a holy terror, but a cute one! He's a big momma's boy and melts my heart when he yells "Mommy!" when I get home. He occasionally snuggles with me and I love it! That kid is gonna be a heartbreaker with those gorgeous eyes and killer smile! :) I need to start potty training him....I know he's ready now, but dang....I don't have time!

Abby.....my sweetie! She has such a big heart and is still the best big sister to both her brothers! Aiden smiles at her like no one else and she just loves to talk to him and play with him. When Jack hits her or throws something at her, she tells on him, but accepts his apology right away.... :) She's also a big momma's girl! I can't believe she's 5 now and going to start Kindergarten next year....yikes!!!!!

Cassidy, Britney, and Taylor......Well, the twins (Cass and Brit) are well into puberty now and it's driving me nuts! lol. Having to deal with 2 girls and their periods and boobs and the whole works was not part of my plan yet! ha! They're sweet girls, though, and I'm guiding them and helping them as best I can. Taylor is still my challenge. Her attitude and headstrong personality make us clash quite often, but I'm working through it.....she's very needy and still a sweet girl.

Ben.....well, he quit his paper route last Sunday, but looks like he may go back. lol. After almost a year of doing the route, it was taking its toll on everyone, especially him. He was exhausted and miserable and with my approval, quit finally! Well, they called him and want him back, so he meets with them this afternoon to see what they have to say. They're offering more money, but not sure if it will be enough. I REALLY don't want him to work there. I've enjoyed this last week of him staying in bed with me all night and getting up with me in the mornings and not being as cranky, etc. We were also going to be able to go to church as a family again. It's just got me down that all of that will most likely change again. So, prayers are appreciated!!!!

Me.....I've been really down lately. I'm not happy with my ongoing weight battle. I was doing really well and getting up in the mornings and exercising again, but when my stomach issues started, I stopped and haven't gone back to it. Plus I wasn't losing weight and that was getting me down....I was watching what I ate, but now wondering if maybe I wasn't eating enough. I need to get back to it.....I'm just not happy with my body. I've also been really stressed. Having 6 kids is quite stressful and I'm not a patient person. I think I bit off more than I can chew, however, I won't give up. I just know it's harder than I expected. I snapped at Jack last night and Ben called me out on it. I was mad at Ben and took it out on Jack and that's totally unacceptable. Ended up in a pile of tears and Ben was right there for me. Told me I wasn't a bad Mom, etc, but I felt horrible. My family doc put me on a mild anxiety med to try and help with daily life. I have to admit, I forget to take it quite a bit, so I'm sure that doesn't help me. Grrr! I need a vacation....somewhere tropical! lol.

So, that kind of catches you up on me and my family! We had a wonderful Christmas and New Years! Hoping this year is better than last! Love you all!