Stuff on my mind, so thought I'd just blog to you about it! lol. So, Ben needs a job! We're making it, but barely. Granted, he does EVERYTHING around the house, but we just need some extra income. He needs something part time so he can still be home Tues and Thurs with the kiddies. He was going to join his friend's landscaping business, which would have been perfect, but apparently something fell through with that, so here we are! If you know of anything.....let me know! :) We're still going to Crossview and loving it. Even Ben is, so that's a HUGE blessing! Keep praying for him, please! The kids also love it, so it's great! Also love seeing Missy again! :) I joined Curves a few weeks ago. I did a free trial and liked it, so I officially joined and can go on my lunch, which works perfectly for me! It's literally less than 5 minutes from my work. Now if only I could control my eating better! I'm pretty disciplined through the week, but the weekends are tough! They said I'll notice inches before pounds and seems like maybe that's the way it's going. I'll get measured again here in a week or two. Had a MINOR pregnancy scare....I say minor b/c the likelihood of it happening is slim to none, considering we're both fixed, but I was 3 weeks late! LOL. Guess my body decided all of a sudden to just delay TOM! Strange! Anyway, Abby has her kindergarten testing today. Hoping she does well and wishing I had prepared her a little better first. Ugh! Oh, well.....still can't believe my little Abbster is starting school this year!!!!!! Brian would be so proud of her! :) Nothing new on the homestead. Things have been pretty tame.....well, tame for a family of 8! :) There are definitely nights I want to tear my hair out, but other nights when all seems just normal. lol. Ok, that's my update! Love you all! :)

Need to vent.....

I know, I know......I'm a big fat slacker! My good intentions on blogging more often are just that.....good intentions! lol. Life is a tad bit stressful at the moment.....when isn't it? Church kind of fell by the wayside there for awhile.....you miss here and there at first and then all of a sudden you haven't gone in 2 months. I wasn't raised that way and it's just not me, so we're trying to get it back together again. We've been going the last few weeks to Crossview. Brian's parents go there (and Missy :)) and I've always liked that church, but avoided it b/c frankly.....Brian's parents go there! lol. It's kind of awkward to go with your "new family" where your "old family" goes. Regardless, it's gone ok. We even sat together. The kids really seem to like their classes and so far, Ben seems to like it, so PLEASE keep us all in your prayers. The good thing is that even if Ben decides to miss for whatever reason, I would feel comfortable going by myself. I have the ex in-laws to help with the kids, etc.....whereas at Apex, I didn't have that support and it was so stinkin big! So, that's been a huge blessing, but also a prayer request. Also, Ben's really struggling right now and needs prayer badly. I truly believe he's dealing with some depression and he's also really having a hard time in his spiritual life....lots of questions and not enough answers.....he's just struggling big time. I feel like God is working, but maybe not fast enough....? I know that God's timing is perfect, but this also could use your prayers. He's also supposed to be starting a new job with his friend's landscaping company next week, so hoping all goes well with that..... I'm stressing big time about Abby's kindergarten testing. She didn't go to preschool and we've been working with her some, but I just don't feel like her skills are up to that of the kids that did go. I just don't want her to be "behind" before she even gets started, you know? Lots of prayers needed here this week.....love you all! :)

Brian on the brain.....

So.....Feb. 6 will mark 2 years since Brian passed away. Holy crap! So hard to believe it's been almost 2 years!!!!! I've been thinking about him some lately. Mostly looking at the kids and so sad that they won't know him and just knowing how proud he'd be of them.... :) I had coffee with a good friend of mine last Saturday and we were talking and she knows a lot of the baggage I walked away with after being married to him and I think that made for quite a jaded view of Brian. I started talking about some of the happier times and positive things he did and she was glad to have some positive feedback on him as well.....anyway, as a result of that convo, I started thinking about the difference in marriages and it became quite clear to me that in Brian, I lost my best friend and in Ben I found a true love. My love with Ben is so much deeper....I loved Brian also, but it wasn't the same. Ben and I have our differences and struggles, but the love is deep. Anyway, God's always in control......that's been more than proven in my life. It may not make sense now, but some day it will......

Jack has now peed in the potty 3 times in the last week. He's proven he's more than capable of doing so, it's just a matter of us getting him on there at the right time. I'm hoping he gets the hang of it soon so we can save some money on diapers!!!!

Cassidy needs your prayers.....as do we. She's sick a lot.....I mean a lot! Long story short, in addition to her always being sick, she told Ben the other day that she has a bump behind her ear, which she'd been keeping from us. The significance of this is that her Mom's cancer issues started out with that very thing and her pediatrician has already told Ben that with Cassidy's genetic make up, she has a 60% greater chance of following in her Mom's footsteps than the other 2 girls. This just isn't a good sign. Ben's making her an appt. for the doctor, but I know he's scared to death, as am I. Cassidy's a major hypocondriac (sp?) and she's well aware of her Mom's history, etc, so she's freaked out too. Just hoping and praying it's nothing.....

All the other kiddos are doing well.....keeping us busy!

Ben hasn't gotten another job yet. He regrets quitting the paper route, but I don't regret it at all. He was miserable and it wasn't a good situation. So, prayers for a new job, would be appreciated though! :)

Love to all my journal friends.....

Two times in one week!?

See....? I'm already doing better! lol. So, I went to the gastroenterologist yesterday and he wants me to have the scope thing done next Thursday. The bad thing is......#1- I have to have a scope put down my throat. lol. And #2- We have a $500 deductible, so I have to pay all that out of pocket. Ugh! Ben tells me I'm getting it done.....so, we'll see! lol.

Took Abby and Aiden to the doctor on Wednesday. Abby had an ear infection, so she got antibiotics and Aiden has the baby equivalent to a sinus infection, so he got some too! Man, he's a big baby! He's almost 17 pounds.....7 months old tomorrow. He's 1 size diaper way from Jack!!! LOL. Of course, Jack is so skinny, but too funny!

Ben's been really depressed and I don't know what to do with him. He's the kind of man that has to be working and doing something....not to mention support his family. He keeps saying that quitting his paper route was a mistake and I told him it wasn't. It was the best thing he's ever done! That route was breaking him down. Things will look up once he has another job. I've loved having him stay in bed all night and get up with me in the mornings....that's been super! Just keep him in your prayers and also that he'll find something soon.

Also keep Ben's nephew in your prayers. He's 1 and he fell off a chair onto his head. He has a severe skull fracture and it's so bad that it could very well lead to paralyzation at best and possibly death. It's so sad....they're waiting to hear back from doctors and tests, etc. He may have to have surgery.

Still trying to get my butt out of bed in the mornings again to exercise. I'm going to try and make myself do that on Monday......start the week off right. Prayers on that would be appreciated as well! lol.

Hope you all have a good weekend!

It's been awhile......

Umm....yeah, so.....remember me? lol. I'll try to catch you up as best I can on the last 5 months of my life! ha ha!

Aiden.....is almost 7 months old! My how time flies! He's still such a joy to both of us. He's a special boy....there are no favorites, of course, but Aiden's definitely special. To Ben b/c he's the boy he's always wanted and me b/c he's my last baby. We are really enjoying him! He's a chunker! Abby and Jack were such tiny babies and Aiden's a chunky monkey, so it's been fun with his chubby cheeks and baby rolls! :)

Jack.....is still a holy terror, but a cute one! He's a big momma's boy and melts my heart when he yells "Mommy!" when I get home. He occasionally snuggles with me and I love it! That kid is gonna be a heartbreaker with those gorgeous eyes and killer smile! :) I need to start potty training him....I know he's ready now, but dang....I don't have time!

Abby.....my sweetie! She has such a big heart and is still the best big sister to both her brothers! Aiden smiles at her like no one else and she just loves to talk to him and play with him. When Jack hits her or throws something at her, she tells on him, but accepts his apology right away.... :) She's also a big momma's girl! I can't believe she's 5 now and going to start Kindergarten next year....yikes!!!!!

Cassidy, Britney, and Taylor......Well, the twins (Cass and Brit) are well into puberty now and it's driving me nuts! lol. Having to deal with 2 girls and their periods and boobs and the whole works was not part of my plan yet! ha! They're sweet girls, though, and I'm guiding them and helping them as best I can. Taylor is still my challenge. Her attitude and headstrong personality make us clash quite often, but I'm working through it.....she's very needy and still a sweet girl.

Ben.....well, he quit his paper route last Sunday, but looks like he may go back. lol. After almost a year of doing the route, it was taking its toll on everyone, especially him. He was exhausted and miserable and with my approval, quit finally! Well, they called him and want him back, so he meets with them this afternoon to see what they have to say. They're offering more money, but not sure if it will be enough. I REALLY don't want him to work there. I've enjoyed this last week of him staying in bed with me all night and getting up with me in the mornings and not being as cranky, etc. We were also going to be able to go to church as a family again. It's just got me down that all of that will most likely change again. So, prayers are appreciated!!!!

Me.....I've been really down lately. I'm not happy with my ongoing weight battle. I was doing really well and getting up in the mornings and exercising again, but when my stomach issues started, I stopped and haven't gone back to it. Plus I wasn't losing weight and that was getting me down....I was watching what I ate, but now wondering if maybe I wasn't eating enough. I need to get back to it.....I'm just not happy with my body. I've also been really stressed. Having 6 kids is quite stressful and I'm not a patient person. I think I bit off more than I can chew, however, I won't give up. I just know it's harder than I expected. I snapped at Jack last night and Ben called me out on it. I was mad at Ben and took it out on Jack and that's totally unacceptable. Ended up in a pile of tears and Ben was right there for me. Told me I wasn't a bad Mom, etc, but I felt horrible. My family doc put me on a mild anxiety med to try and help with daily life. I have to admit, I forget to take it quite a bit, so I'm sure that doesn't help me. Grrr! I need a vacation....somewhere tropical! lol.

So, that kind of catches you up on me and my family! We had a wonderful Christmas and New Years! Hoping this year is better than last! Love you all!

I'm baaaaack!

Well, it's been about 3 months since my last post. You all know I had Aiden on June 15, as planned. He is such a joy! I have 4 more weeks off work and I'm already so sad about having to go back! The last 8 weeks have flown by! I love Ben more and more with each passing day and thank God for him. Don't get me wrong, we've had our share of issues as of late, but no deal-breakers yet! lol.

Let's see.....the kids. The twins have been a huge help! We couldn't have gotten through the first 6 weeks without them. With me not being able to lift Jack and Ben working 3rd shift, they got up with Jack every single morning! It was helpful and just plain fabulous because that also allowed me a bit more sleep.

Taylor has had some major jealousy issues......with Abby. She's been great with Aiden from day 1. It's Abby that's her problem. I think that Abby taking her "baby girl" place in the family has really affected her. We are in the current process of getting her into counseling. In fact, I'm going to take her to the same one I took Abby to. She also still misses her Mom very much and that affects her sometimes too, so all in all, I think counseling will do her a world of good!

Abby has been great with Aiden. It's like having Jack all over again. She loves to talk to Aiden and hold him.....she's a little Mommy! Her downfall lately is her attitude, but she picks that up from Taylor. Trying to nip that in the bud ASAP! Most of the time, though, she's a sweetie and Mommy's girl!

Jack.....is a holy terror! LOL. He's enough to put me on medication for life! He just turned 2 on July 25, but he entered the "terrible 2's" long before his bday! He's into anything and everything you don't want him to get into and he pretty much just drives us crazy! LOL. On the flip side, he's adorable and is already trying to play us by batting those long eyelashes and saying, "sor-wy" when he gets in trouble. :)

Aiden, as I said is pure joy right now! He's a great sleeper......only gets up 1 time a night and that was pretty much from the getgo! We had some constipation problems off and on and he was cranky there for awhile, but he's now starting to smile AT US and we're enjoying that!

Ben is in "car mode" right now. His dream is to own a brand new Camaro and he's got a plan to get it. He's prepared to get a 2nd job and work his butt off. My stipulations were just that all bills were caught up, he wouldn't effect the family, and we had to make sure we could afford another car pmt. If all of those conditions can be met, then I ok'd him getting it. lol. It's a long way off, but he's a hard worker and the excitement is his driving force to make another one of his dreams come true! It's totally not practical, but if we work out a way to afford it and still have everything else covered, then so be it. I think it will be harder to reach that point than he thinks, though!

Me.....I'm just me! Enjoying being home and off work for the summer and of course, having time with Ben. That's going to make it so hard to go back to work! I also want to take advantage and lose more weight before I go back. I'm 5 pounds away from my pre-baby weight, BUT I had gained a little before I got pregnant, so all in all, I'd like to lose at least another 20 pounds. It's taken a few years, but I've very slowly whittled my weigh down in the weight dept in between kids, but now that Aiden's the last one, I really want to get to a weight I'm happy with and stay there!!!!!

Well, that's about it for now! Aiden will be waking up any minute to eat! Love you all and miss you! We need to have a "blogger reunion" dinner or something....that would be fun!

3 more weeks......

of work! Then I'm off for 3 months! Hallelujah! I'm sooooo done with this pregnancy, with work, etc. I'm more miserable physically than I've ever been.....and obviously complaining a lot! lol. June 11 is my last day of work and then Aiden comes on the 15th.....if not before! I can't wait!

Let's see.....it's been awhile, but there's really not much you've missed. The first wife issue hasn't changed much. Ben does a good job of reassuring me of his love for me and our life together now, but it's still hard. My family never mentions Brian, nor does Abby and Jack, whereas I still have to hear about her frequently. I'm sympathetic to the girls and their needs, but sometimes it's a bit too much. My heart breaks for them when they're missing her.....it's just the personal details that are casually mentioned in conversation that I could do without. I worry about Jack and Taylor with Aiden. They are both used to being the baby and center of attention. Abby did so well with Jack that I don't think another sibling will affect her. Taylor's shown quite a bit of jealousy where Abby's concerned and in general she's a bit self-involved, so I just worry about her with the attention the baby will receive. It's going to be tough, but we have no choice but to be up for the challenge! LOL

I've been a little sad lately.....just feeling down. I think most days I do a pretty good job of hiding it from Ben. I know he worries about me like I do about him. lol. I know that part of it is just being miserable and ready to have this baby, but the other part has to do with Ben. There are 2 subjects in particular that we disagree on and both feel strongly about. I guess I just worry that these issues could come between us.....it just makes me very sad. On the other hand, we've been pretty good at working out issues so far. We're still learning each other and things are still coming out in our personalities that we hadn't seen before and I think we've handled that well. I just know that I love him very much and I'd like to think there's nothing we can't work out. I don't like to be negative, but these issues seem to come up on a regular basis and I don't see either one of us changing our stance. It just blows! lol.

On a more positive note, the twins turn 11 a week from Saturday, so I'm trying to get their party together. They've decided they'd just like to use their favorite colors (blue and purple) for the decor, so I'll be hitting Flower Factory soon to see about stuff like that. I think we're getting them bikes, which should be fun. They've been wanting them. They REALLY want cell phones, but we just can't justify them needing one. We did talk about getting 1 for the house and they can give the # to their friends and share it, more as a test and if they "pass" then we'll get them one for Christmas. Kids these days! ha!

I hope you all are doing well. Missy and Mandy, looks like your cruise was wonderful! Miss you all!